Chandrababuism
You have two cows in Vijayawada. You hook them to internet and milk them from Hyderabad.
Jayalalithaism
You have two cows. You teach them to cry, "Ammaaaaaaa..." and fall at your feet.
Karunanidhism
You have two cows. You give one to your son and the other to your nephew.
Gandhism
You have two cows. But you drink goat's milk.
Indiraism
You have two bulls. You adamantly consider them as cows.
Lalooism
You have two cows. You buy Rs.900 crore worth of cattle feed for them.
Rajnikantism
You have two cows. You throw them into air and catch their milk in your mouth.
Sardarism
You have two cows. You paint them both to get colorful milk.
Softwarism: (Ultimate....)
Client has 2 cows and u need to milk them.
1. First prepare a document when to milk them (Project kick off)
2. Prepare a document how long you have to milk them (Project plan)
3. Then prepare how to milk them (Design)
4. Then prepare what other accessories are needed to milk them (Framework)
5. Then prepare two dummy cows (sort of toy cows) and show to client the way in which you will milk them. (UI Mockups & POC)
6. If client is not satisfied then redo from step 2
7. You actually start milking them and find that there are few problems with accessories. (Change framework)
8. Redo step 4
9. At last milk them and send it to onsite. (Coding over)
10. Make sure that cow milks properly (Testing)
11. Onsite reports that it is not milking there.
12. You break your head and find that onsite is trying to milk from bulls
13. At last onsite milk them and send to client (Testing)
14. Client says the quality of milk is not good. (User Acceptance Test)
15. Offsite then slogs and improves the quality of milk
16. Now the client says that the quality is good but it’s milking at slow rate (performance issue)
17. Again you slog and send it with good performance.
18. Client is happy???
By this time both the COWS aged and can’t milk.
(The software got old and get ready for next release)
Repeat from step 1!!!!!
Q. What is JFC ?
A. Jilebi, Fanta & Coffee
Q. Explain 2 tier and 3 -tier Architecture ?
A. Two wheelers like scooters will have 2 tyres and autorickshaws will have 3 tyres.
Q. I want to store more than 10 objects in a remote server ? Which methodology will follow ?
A. Send it through courier.
Q. Can I modify an object in CORBA ?
A. As you wish , I do not have any objections.
Q. How to communicate 2 threads each other ?
A. Non living things can't communicate.
Q. What is meant by flickering ?
A. Closing and opening of eyes at girls.
Q. Explain RMI Architecture?
A. I am a computer professional not an architect student.
Q. What is the use of Servlets ?
A. In hotels, they can replace servers.
Q. What is the dif ference between Process and Threads ?
A. Threads are small ropes. Make a rope from threads is an example for process.
Q. When is update method called ?
A. Who is update method?
Q. What is JAR file ?
A. File that can be kept inside a jar.
Q. What is JINI ?
A. A ghost which was Aladdin's friend.
Q. How will you call an Applet from a _Java Script?
A. I will give invitation.
Q. How you can know about drivers and datax-ud information ?
A. I will go and enquire in the bus dep ot.
Q. What is serialization ?
A. Arranging one after the other from left to right.
Q. What is bean ? Where it can be used ?
A. A kind of vegetable. In kitchens for cooking they can be used.
Q. Write down how will you create a binary Tree ?
A. When we sow a binary seed , a binary tree will grow.
Q. What is the exact difference between Unicast and Multicast object ?
A. If in a society, if there is only one caste, then it is Unicast, else it is multicast
Q. What is the difference between an Abstract class and Interface?
A. Terms are different ... nothing more
Husband - hey dear, I am logged in.
Wife - would you like to have some snacks?
Husband - hard disk full.
Wife - have you brought the saree.
Husband - Bad command or file name.
Wife - but I told you about it in morning
Husband - erroneous syntax, abort, retry, cancel.
Wife - hae bhagwan !forget it where's your salary.
Husband - file in use, read only, try after some time.
Wife - at least give me your credit card, I can do some shopping.
Husband - sharing violation, access denied.
Wife - I made a mistake in marrying you.
Husband - data type mismatch.
Wife - you are useless.
Husband - by default.
Wife - who was there with you in the car this morning?
Husband - system unstable press ctrl, alt, del to Reboot.
Wife - what is the relation between you & your Receptionist?
Husband - the only user with write permission.
Wife - what is my value in your life?
Husband - unknown virus detected.
Wife - do you love me or your computer?
Husband - Too many parameters.
Wife - I will go to my dad's house..
Husband - program performed illegal operation, it will Close.
Wife - I will leave you forever.
Husband - close all programs and log out for another User.
Wife - it is worthless talking to you.
Husband - shut down the computer.
Wife - I am going
Husband - Its now safe to turn off your computer
A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost.
He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts,
'Excuse me, can you help me? I promised my friend I Would meet him half an hour ago, but I don't know where I am.'
The man below says, 'Yes. You are in a hot air balloon,
Hovering approximately 30 feet above this field. You are between 40
and 42 degrees North latitude, and between 58 and 60 degrees West Longitude.'
'You must be a programmer,' says the balloonist.
'I am,' replies the man. 'How did you know?'
'Well,' says the balloonist, 'everything you have told me is
Technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your Information and the fact is I am still lost.'
The man below says, "You must be a project manager."
'Yes, I am,' replies the balloonist, 'but how did you know?'
'Well,' says the man, 'you don't know where you are, or where
You are going. You have made a promise which you have no idea how to Keep, and you expect me to solve your problem.'
1. He/She never bargains… No wonder things have become so costly!
2. When a cab/bus passes by and you see all the commuters in it are sleeping like they haven’t slept for years…
3. Dilbert or Calvin is their favorite cartoon…
4. Words like issues, tracker, raising requests, buzz/ping, compile, delete [unlike erase or rub it off], onsite [n not abroad is what ‘foreign land’ is called] are the ones that would be used by ‘default’…
5. Weekends are holy words… they are like a salvation one seeks for…
6. “Wazzzup”, “Hows life?”, are few obvious questions one will be greeted with which would be immediately followed by “how’s work?”
7. Salaries, work etc are always better or in good shape in other companies than the one he/she is currently in…
8. They don’t send or take things… they always forward them!
9. Drinking coffee is the most pleasurable thing they think they do in the entire day…
10. They seek a search engine in just almost everything they do… When I forget where I have kept my things at home the first thing that comes to my mind is “I wish there was a Google search for my room”
11. Mondays are always blue…
12. All of them will have a dream to do something in life and that something would never be what they are doing right now…
David Bissonette
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
Sacha Guitry
After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.
Socrates
By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.
Dumas
The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, "What does a woman want?
Sigmund Freud
I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.
Anonymous
"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."
Sam Kinison
"There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage."
James Holt McGavran
"I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn't."
Patrick Murray
Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming
1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it,
2. Whenever you're right, shut up.
Nash
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once...
Anonymous
You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
Henny Youngman
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
Rodney Dangerfield
A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
Anonymous
A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
Anonymous
First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
Second Guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
When a Girl Cries ------------ The World "Consoles" her
But when a boy cries ---------- Come on man don't be A "Girl"
If A Girl slaps a Boy ----------- Definitely the Boy would have "done something"
If Boy Slaps a girl -------------- Rascal doesn't know how to "Respect Ladies"
If a Girl is talking to Boys ----- She is "Very Friendly"
If a Boy talks to a Girl ---------- He is "flirting"
If a Girl meets with accident -------------------- Then its "mistake of others"
If a Boy meets with same accident ------------ Bloody you "don't know how to Drive"
If a Girl was on leave to office ---------- Then may be she is notfeeling good
If a Boy was on leave to office ---------- Then they say Drunken Monk "He is off coz of HANGOVER"
