The IAS Interview

One young man went for an IAS Interview.

"When did India get independence?" He was asked.

"The efforts began a few years earlier and final result was in 1947" He replied.

"Who was responsible for our independence?"

"There were so many. Whom to mention? If I name one, it will be a injustice to another." He replied.

"Is corruption the number one enemy in our country?"

"Some research is going on the subject and I can answer with certainly only after seeing the report" He replied.


The interview board was very pleased with his original and thoughtful answers and asked him not to reveal the questions to others, since they were planning to ask the same questions.

When he went out naturally others were curious to know what was asked. He politely declined, but one persistent Santa would not leave him. "At least tell me the answers" he pleaded, and our friend obliged.


Then it was the turn of this Santa. When he went inside, since his resume was slightly illegible, the board member asked him.

" By the way, what is your date of birth?"
He replied, "The effort began a few years earlier and final result was in 1947."

Somewhat puzzled, they asked another clarification.
"What is your fathers name?"
He replied, "There were so many. Whom to mention". If I name one, it will be injustice to another".

The interviewer was incensed.

"Hey! Are you mad or what?"
He replied. "Some research is going on the subject. I can answer with certainty only after seeing the report."

In U.S. they invented a machine that catches thieves; they took it outto different countries for a test.

In U.S.A, in 30 minutes, it caught 20 thieves;

In UK , in 30 minutes itcaught 50 thieves;

Spain , in 30 minutes it caught 65 thieves;

Ghana ,in 30 minutes it caught 600 thieves; . .

.

.

India , in 15 minutes the machinewas stolen.

Re - Marry ? Re - Think ?
A husband and wife are sitting quietly in bed reading when the
Wife looks over at him and asks the question....
WIFE: "What would you do if I die? Would you get married again?"
HUSBAND: "Definitely not!"
WIFE: "Why not? Don't you like being married?"
HUSBAND: "Of course I do."
WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you remarry?"
HUSBAND: "Okay, okay, I'd get married again."
WIFE: "You would?" (with a hurt look)
HUSBAND: (makes audible groan)
WIFE: "Would you live in our house?"
HUSBAND: "Sure, it's a great house."
WIFE: "Would you sleep with her in our bed?"
HUSBAND: "Where else would we sleep?"
WIFE: "Would you let her drive my car?"
HUSBAND: "Probably, it is almost new."
WIFE: "Would you replace my pictures with hers?"
HUSBAND: "That would seem like the proper thing to do."
WIFE: "Would you give her my jewelry?"
HUSBAND: "No, I'm sure she'd want her own."
WIFE: "Would she use my golf clubs?"
HUSBAND: "No, she's left-handed. "
WIFE: -- silence --
HUSBAND: "sh*t."

Chandrababuism
You have two cows in Vijayawada. You hook them to internet and milk them from Hyderabad.

Jayalalithaism
You have two cows. You teach them to cry, "Ammaaaaaaa..." and fall at your feet.

Karunanidhism
You have two cows. You give one to your son and the other to your nephew.

Gandhism
You have two cows. But you drink goat's milk.

Indiraism
You have two bulls. You adamantly consider them as cows.

Lalooism
You have two cows. You buy Rs.900 crore worth of cattle feed for them.

Rajnikantism
You have two cows. You throw them into air and catch their milk in your mouth.

Sardarism
You have two cows. You paint them both to get colorful milk.


Softwarism: (Ultimate....)
Client has 2 cows and u need to milk them.

1. First prepare a document when to milk them (Project kick off)
2. Prepare a document how long you have to milk them (Project plan)
3. Then prepare how to milk them (Design)
4. Then prepare what other accessories are needed to milk them (Framework)
5. Then prepare two dummy cows (sort of toy cows) and show to client the way in which you will milk them. (UI Mockups & POC)
6. If client is not satisfied then redo from step 2
7. You actually start milking them and find that there are few problems with accessories. (Change framework)
8. Redo step 4
9. At last milk them and send it to onsite. (Coding over)
10. Make sure that cow milks properly (Testing)
11. Onsite reports that it is not milking there.
12. You break your head and find that onsite is trying to milk from bulls
13. At last onsite milk them and send to client (Testing)
14. Client says the quality of milk is not good. (User Acceptance Test)
15. Offsite then slogs and improves the quality of milk
16. Now the client says that the quality is good but it’s milking at slow rate (performance issue)
17. Again you slog and send it with good performance.
18. Client is happy???

By this time both the COWS aged and can’t milk.
(The software got old and get ready for next release)

Repeat from step 1!!!!!

Q. What is JFC ?
A. Jilebi, Fanta & Coffee

Q. Explain 2 tier and 3 -tier Architecture ?
A. Two wheelers like scooters will have 2 tyres and autorickshaws will have 3 tyres.

Q. I want to store more than 10 objects in a remote server ? Which methodology will follow ?
A. Send it through courier.

Q. Can I modify an object in CORBA ?
A. As you wish , I do not have any objections.

Q. How to communicate 2 threads each other ?
A. Non living things can't communicate.

Q. What is meant by flickering ?
A. Closing and opening of eyes at girls.

Q. Explain RMI Architecture?
A. I am a computer professional not an architect student.

Q. What is the use of Servlets ?
A. In hotels, they can replace servers.

Q. What is the dif ference between Process and Threads ?
A. Threads are small ropes. Make a rope from threads is an example for process.

Q. When is update method called ?
A. Who is update method?

Q. What is JAR file ?
A. File that can be kept inside a jar.

Q. What is JINI ?
A. A ghost which was Aladdin's friend.

Q. How will you call an Applet from a _Java Script?
A. I will give invitation.

Q. How you can know about drivers and datax-ud information ?
A. I will go and enquire in the bus dep ot.

Q. What is serialization ?
A. Arranging one after the other from left to right.

Q. What is bean ? Where it can be used ?
A. A kind of vegetable. In kitchens for cooking they can be used.

Q. Write down how will you create a binary Tree ?
A. When we sow a binary seed , a binary tree will grow.

Q. What is the exact difference between Unicast and Multicast object ?
A. If in a society, if there is only one caste, then it is Unicast, else it is multicast

Q. What is the difference between an Abstract class and Interface?
A. Terms are different ... nothing more

Husband - hey dear, I am logged in.

Wife - would you like to have some snacks?
Husband - hard disk full.

Wife - have you brought the saree.
Husband - Bad command or file name.

Wife - but I told you about it in morning
Husband - erroneous syntax, abort, retry, cancel.

Wife - hae bhagwan !forget it where's your salary.
Husband - file in use, read only, try after some time.

Wife - at least give me your credit card, I can do some shopping.
Husband - sharing violation, access denied.

Wife - I made a mistake in marrying you.
Husband - data type mismatch.

Wife - you are useless.
Husband - by default.

Wife - who was there with you in the car this morning?
Husband - system unstable press ctrl, alt, del to Reboot.

Wife - what is the relation between you & your Receptionist?
Husband - the only user with write permission.

Wife - what is my value in your life?
Husband - unknown virus detected.

Wife - do you love me or your computer?
Husband - Too many parameters.

Wife - I will go to my dad's house..
Husband - program performed illegal operation, it will Close.

Wife - I will leave you forever.
Husband - close all programs and log out for another User.

Wife - it is worthless talking to you.
Husband - shut down the computer.

Wife - I am going
Husband - Its now safe to turn off your computer

A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost.
He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts,
'Excuse me, can you help me? I promised my friend I Would meet him half an hour ago, but I don't know where I am.'

The man below says, 'Yes. You are in a hot air balloon,
Hovering approximately 30 feet above this field. You are between 40
and 42 degrees North latitude, and between 58 and 60 degrees West Longitude.'

'You must be a programmer,' says the balloonist.

'I am,' replies the man. 'How did you know?'

'Well,' says the balloonist, 'everything you have told me is
Technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your Information and the fact is I am still lost.'

The man below says, "You must be a project manager."

'Yes, I am,' replies the balloonist, 'but how did you know?'

'Well,' says the man, 'you don't know where you are, or where
You are going. You have made a promise which you have no idea how to Keep, and you expect me to solve your problem.'